So I sort of think of this as my first "big girl" drawing (big girl as in adult, not large). It's what came out of my first class at the Vitruvian Studio. We spent the entire 8 weeks (3 hours per class) creating one drawing, learning to measure carefully and fill in the detail slowly. I loved it. I knew I was going to love it when the instructor said in the first class that while gestures and short poses are typical of figure drawing, how can you draw quickly when you don't know how to draw slowly? This is exactly what I felt I was struggling with the most (I'm still trying to understand gesture drawing) so this method was perfect for me. I'm really happy with this drawing -- I even hung it up in my newly created (as in I cleared all our crap out of the office) studio space as a representation of an official starting point. It was one of my goals for this year to create a drawing that I'm happy with, so it's heartening to have already accomplished that. It makes me feel like this path might be possible after all. So take that all you people who say I'm never going to like anything I do!
Now. The next goal is to regularly create drawings I like, and keep improving. I'm still completely unhappy with everything that comes out of my regular figure drawing sessions, so I'm trying to practice more at home and get the hang of gesture draiwing and shorter poses (using photos, which isn't optimal, but I'm working with what I've got). I'm also taking the Drawing Basics class at Vitruvian, which focuses on the fundamentals of line, shading and form with simple still life drawings. I took a couple of fundamentals classes in college, but I wasn't really focused on drawing then, so I don't think I really got a lot out of them. So, here's to progress -- upwards and onward!
I usually post my resolutions around the New Year, but it looks like I never got around to it in 2013. That's funny, because I think it might be the first time I actually acomplished them. The past few years I've set three, with the first being my theme and primary goal for the year. Last year's top resolution was weight loss -- specifically fitting back into everything in my closet before our Savannah vacation in May. I actually ended up going beyond that and ended up with a new wardrobe and a running habit (I discovered how much I love running outside). So far I'm maintaining well, although my eating habits could still use some fine tuning.
The second goal was to become an Adobe Certified Expert in Print. It's something I've wanted to do for years but never really got around to, and while I did procrastinate until the end of the year, I got it done. I am now Certified in Illustrator, Photoshop, InDesign and Acrobat CS6. I'm not sure what this gets me, really, but I now know a lot more about these programs than I did and feel like I established a bit of a study habit, which is something I really need.
The third goal was to draw more, and that one really didn't get done but I knew that was what this year would be for.
I also turned 40 in 2013. I think the midlife crisis actually happened around 39, when I got all angsty over my choice to become a designer instead of an illustrator and feeling like an utter failure because I'm not an artist and blah, blah, blah. At least I hope that was the midlife crisis because seriously, I'd like to be done with the whining about things I can't change now. However, one of the reasons I was so serious about getting the first two resolutions done last year, goals that had been around for years, was so that I could get them out of the way and concentrate on the third in 2014. My primary resolution this year is to draw. Fitness was my entire focus for the first half of 2013 (I started the years with 60 days straight of gym time and a ban on sugar and alcohol), and during the second half my entire focus was studying Adobe software. Now my entire focus is going to be drawing. Every day. Doesn't matter what it is. Doesn't matter if it's awful. Just draw. I start a Figure Drawing class on Sunday, and I plan to be a regular at a couple of local figure drawing sessions. No more whining, I'm just going to DO. I started New Year's Eve, and two days in, so far so good.
The second goal for 2014 is to maintain (or improve, but at least maintain) my fitness level. I'll work on the eating habits, I'll try and gain a little more muscle, but as long I'm basically in the same place next New Year's Day, that will be okay.
The third goal is to improve my Web Design knowledge. Now that I'm back to Print at work instead of Digital, I'll have to keep up the Digital knowledge on my own (and I already feel out of date again). I'd like to learn Wordpress, get better at CSS, feel like I could do some coding on my own if I need to. It's not really neccessary for my job right now, but it's where design is going so I feel like I should keep up with it.
2013 was an amazing year. I feel like I took what could have been a depressing milestone and turned it into a new beginning. I am so ready for 2014, and for my next decade. I think it's all going to be fabulous!
So I have a confession to make. When they talk about the Fake Geek Girl, I feel like they're talking about me. I can't really make the claims that they make in the video above. I didn't grow up reading comic books or playing D&D or hacking computers. I did grow up reading fantasy novels, watching Star Trek and Star Wars, and seeing any Fantasy movie that came to the theater (it's funny to me that they're so popular now!), but it was because that's what my dad did and what I had access to, and while I like all of these things, I can't tell you much about them.
I'm not particularly smart, boys liked me when I was growing up, and even though I went through a goth phase as a teenager where I tried very hard not to be girly, I'm very much a girl. I'm blonde and I have a lot of blonde moments. I'm much, much closer to Penny than to anyone else on the Big Bang Theory. I also really *like* the Big Bang Theory.
However, my dad is a science fiction fantasy illustrator. He worked for TSR back in the day. I was surrounded by dragons and skulls and vampires as a kid. As mentioned above, I was immersed in geek culture as a family activity. I couldn't tell you if I was naturally drawn to it. I don't know, because it's just what I grew up on.
As a teenager, my interests switched to music and dancing and boys. Mostly boys. I didn't fit it with the popular kids, but I fit in nicely with the goth kids (again, see the skulls and dragons referenced above) and I enjoyed my high school days despite being harassed for being different. I didn't rediscover geekdom until my late teens, when I met my ex-boyfriend and his group of friends (which included my current husband, although we were just friends for a long time). They reintroduced me to D&D and comics and sci-fi and art, but again, while I liked it all, I was consuming what was around me, not necessarily what I was seeking out.
I started going to cons when I was in my early 20's, tagging along with my dad initially because I wanted to get away and it was a means to a cheap vacation, but then because I fell in love with the cons. I never became a gamer, or a comic nerd, and I can still take or leave most pop culture, but I felt so very comfortable in that space. I went on to work at a RPG game company, using my dad's name as a foot in the door. Once I started school, I moved on to their sister video game company, and to this day, I regret leaving that job when I did (with school, the hours were just overwhelming). I loved the people there, and I've never since felt so suited to my workplace.
I've never been badly treated within geek culture. For the most part, nobody has ever seemed to care that the only geek cred that I really have is that I grew up around it. I do think I may have grown up differently, though, if I were growing up today. I remember very intentionally dumbing myself down in my pre-teen years, to make myself more "attractive." I am extemely happy that is it now "cool" to be smart and nerdy, especially for girls, and that there are tons of smart, brilliant *and* beautiful women out there to be the role models that I really wish I had had. Everyone goes through phases in their lives, and tries on different personas -- when I was a teen, the term "poseur" drove me as nuts as the term "fake geek girl" does today. Who cares if you're just trying something on? Who cares if you self-identify with a culture that you don't know everything about? We're all just trying to fit in, trying to find a comfortable spot and people we can have fun with. On the inside, I think most of us feel like we're faking it most of the time. Yet we're all just living our life, the very best life we can.
I am a Girl. I have no particular credentials, but I still self-identify as a Geek. And whatever you think about it, I have Nothing to Prove.
For the past two years or so, my mom and I had been talking about a Savannah vacation. I'd wanted to go ever since I read Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil probably around 15-ish years ago. My mom had friends that had gone and loved it. We're both into Southern and historical and I wanted to institute an annual family vaction and it just made sense. However, even though we kept talking about it, it just wasn't happening. So this year was my 40th birthday, and when my husband, the best husband in the world EVAR, asked me what extra-special gift I would like for this landmark birthday, I said I wanted to take my mom to Savannah for her birthday/Mother's Day (the two are days apart). I'm sure that he was expecting me to say that I wanted to go to Alinea, because that was my previous plan. Because he loves me, and he loves my Mom, he said yes.
And so we went.
I've had life-changing vacations before. The first time I tagged along with my Dad to Dragon-Con in my 20's, I had this big epiphany about independence and travel and where my life was at the time and it was my first realization that I could do things on my own. The first time I went to Burning Man in 1998, tagging along with my ex-boyfriend and company (Dox included) to a strange event in the desert that I knew nothing about -- the Leave No Trace, art for art's sake, love-of-fire-preformance ethic left it's mark and I think I enjoyed it more that anyone else that went. I got involved with the local Burning Man group, started fire-spinning, attended a slew of regional events, and went back twice with Dox in 1999 and 2000.
I'd already been thinking about a Master's degree, and I'd looked at the Savannah College of Art and Design's online program, been tempted, and talked myself out of it because of the cost. I love being in school, and if I could afford it, I'd be a perpetual student. However, since I'm not good at making that make sense monetarily, I'd decided against it. However, the first day that we spend in Savannah, I decided that if nothing else, I was moving there for a year. A Master's degree was a good excuse to do it, so that's what I would move there for. I'm from North Carolina, and whenever I've gone back to the South to visit, there's something odd that happens -- it feels sort of like relaxing, or suddenly being able to take a deep breath when I couldn't before. I feel like I'm home.
We moved to Lake Geneva, WI when I was 10. I just turned 40, so I've now lived the majority of my life in the North, but I've never stopped thinking that somehow, some way, I'd end up back South again. I hate the cold. HATE it. It gets into my bones and makes me feel like a shadow. Every year, around February or March, I feel like there must be something wrong with me because I feel so tired all the time and maybe I should go to the Doctor. But then the sun come out, and suddenly it's 80+ and humid and I feel like a human being again. When it's 90+ here and everybody in Chicago is miserable, I feel alive. Unfortunatly, Dox was born and raised in Chicago, loves it, and is not a soul that adjusts well to change. We'd visited New Orleans years ago and agreed on it as a potential relocation spot, but Katrina happened, and graphic design jobs are scarce there, and so we kind of let it drop. There wasn't any other place that seemed like a good option.
And then we went to Savannah. I told him that in a few years I was going to move there and get my Masters. It could be a temporary thing where he could stay in Chicago and I could visit on break and then move back when I was done, or he could come with me, but either way, I had to do it. I had to live there. It was beautiful and hot and 15 minutes from the ocean and I HAD TO LIVE THERE. I felt it in my bones. I didn't think he would do it, but he agreed. We're going to take four years to get our finances in order -- get out of debt, pay down our mortgage, save some money -- and then we're going to move. We'll keep our condo here for a year, rent it out, see how it goes down there, let me get my Master's degree. If we like it we stay. If we don't, we come back or go elsewhere. If we disagree -- well, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
I can't wait.
As far as our Savannah vacation went, it was fabulous. My mom was ecstatic. All of us had a great time. My recommendations for can't miss spots:
- Mrs. Wilkes Dining Room. A buffet of traditional Southern food to die for, and the only biscuit that has ever challenged my favorite best-ever North Carolina gas station biscuit (I don't remember the gas station, but the biscuit was AMAZING). It's an experience, and it's worth the wait. Get there early.
- Alligator Soul. They'll tell you that the Old Pink House and Elizabeth's are the best restaurants in Savannah. We didn't make it to Elizabeth's, but I like Alligator Soul a little bit better than the Old Pink House. Check them all out if you can, but if you want contemporary Southern dining, don't miss this restaurant.
- Leopold's. It lives up to the hype. Really. Go there.
- Chocolat by Adam Turoni. Delicious! I kept a secret stash in my desk at work that I worked through very slowly. This is chocolate that's meant to be savored.
- The Crab Shack on Tybee. Okay, my impression of Tybee Island is that it has a very college spring break kind of feel, but that could have been the time of year that we were there. I loved it -- it's a beach on the ocean and I can ignore the drunk college students -- but everybody else in our party, not so much. However, the Crab Shack was laid back and the seafood was inexpensive and fabulous -- everybody had a great time. They even had a decent wine list, and there were kittehs everywhere. What's not to love?
- Lulu's Chocolate Bar. Part neighborhood bar, part dessert nirvana. I tried a chocolate truffle and the specialty chocolate martini, and both were amazing.
- Soho South Cafe. It's like having lunch in an artist's loft. The service is as slow as the reviews say it is, but who cares? Relax and enjoy the artsy atmosphere!
1,371 days to go. I. Can't Wait.